Hi I wanna know from a parents view on this.
First i am 27 years old and turning 28 in december this year. I travelled asia and throughout for a total of 3 and a half years and worked in china and japan for 2 and half years as a foreign teacher.
Recently my parents, father who is 65 yrs and a mother in her early 50s have decided to retire and are currently building a house as we speak. I am in holiday mode at this point and trying to get some break and spend some time with them to enjoy the new house.
I am the only child in the family and even in my early 20s my parents still gave me a curfew because they were overprotective, they still treat me like a child until now as i am unmarried and have no children. This included giving me thousands of dollars, a car and a future house, clothes and other materialistic posessions. When i was working my mother insisted on paying for my car insurance and medication whenever i got sick and still give me allowance every week. When things got abit difficult in china i ran out of money and my visa expired they bailed me out and gave me thousands of cash and i mean lots and lots of money.
The only trouble is my father somewhat feels that i cannot do anything by myself after what happened in china when i did purposely asked for their help. Eventhough him knowing that i was in big trouble and i had no other choice, he did not appreciate it.
My exboyfriend whom they hated still continues to come up in dinner conversations, debates and arguments. I did end up leaving my ex not only because it did not work out between us but also to end the conflict between me and my parents.
Now i mistakenly think that its all over, they bring up the china part and then everything else. My father says i am a failure and i am nothing close to perfect which is very hurtful.
Yesterday my mother was talking with her friends and mentioned something about me working in an airport which i had no plans or idea about. I wanted to work as a teacher again teaching english but here in australia or doing the veterinary thing but i realised that is still far to go as i have to go through so many courses to pass the test. I got angry and confused because my mother did not tell me about anything to do with working in an airport and I told her that She and my father had no right to make plans for me because i am now a grown up and can plan my life myself and i know what is best for me, i mean i am nearly 30 and have travelled half the world by myself and have lots of experience?!
I told her however that its ok for her to suggest things to me or give me advice but not making decisions because I am old enough to make the decisions.
Anyway after she came home she was furious and was yelling and shouting while i was in the shower. she said to me that I have no respect for her with how i said the things i said to her and what i said. She said she doesnt understand why i was angry and yelling? (ok we were texting by the way) Any she repeatedly implied that i had no respect for my parents by saying that ‘i didnt want her making plans for my life because i was old enough to make my own plans’. Suprisingly my father agreed with her and they both just started ganging up on me?
I felt afraid everytime i walked pass them and come on i got so nervous and angry at the same time that my already shaking hands (due to hyperthyroidism) was shaking even more.
At the end of the night, i walked into my parents room and apologised because it was the only logical thing to do. They my parents have never said sorry out of all the times that they may have been in the wrong, not once have they said sorry to me but i always said sorry, i always gave up the battle because i know that parents think they are always right just like customers are right. Then they brag about everything they have done for me and all the money (nearly 0,000) that they given me throughout the years and i have done nothing of the equivalent. This is what really stabs me right in the heart. It makes me feel guilty. i never asked money half the time they are just throwing it at me and smiling saying ‘here have all this money we love you’. But everytime i do something they do not approve of or do not like or we get into some kind of arguement and i happen to yell back – they bring all this sh1t up about it.
After yesterday my parents are not going to buy me a car when i get back to work eventhough they kind of promised they would because they were concerned about my safety. My father keeps telling me to say sorry to my mother like a hundred times and perhaps she might just hand me some money. And i have to admit i need money now more than ever because i lost my job and i am currently studying a short course.
So now the car thing is gone and i am just going to forget whatever they promised or said to me because in reality i really should not be expecting this from them as i am old enough to work and save money myself, but t
Well first of all i dont stomp and yell like a child lol. I try to reason out with them. I have lived and stood by myself for 2 years in another country without bothering them for a long time. And plus other people i know also get handed money every time they get into trouble but their parents dont treat them like a 12 year old with curfews and tell em how to live their lives?
And i have apologised to them, didnt your read all of my post? What do i have to do apologise a hundred billion times over and over again ?
Are you an asian parent?
Reply to Parent: I assumed as mature as you already are would know that there are a number of aspects to maturity of an individual and is accumulated at different times given the experience that vary at different stages in ones life. Maturity like emotional maturity changes from time to time depending on events that leave an impact eg; trauma. Emotionally immature people are usually driven with the lack or fall of logic thinking my psychiatrist once stated, but that does not mean one is not capable of functioning in the adult society. Some if not most of us are still learning something new each day even as a teacher and that is why we are here in life in our own trek.
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