Please read all details before answering. Yeah I know its alot of details. Essential though. I will definitely be picking a best answer. I have asked this question before but now I am adding more details. Thank you!
I am known as being a big animal lover. I have had pets all while growing up. I had a special bond with each of my pets. They were members of my family. All of my pets were very tame and very sweet. People have said I have a gift with animals.
When I first got married I made some mistakes. I was a 20 year old bored out of my mind and home alone all day. I had no health insurance or money to see a counselor or a doctor. I was trying to lower my med dose and then tried to get off of my meds on my own. Could not get a job and was not in school.
I flushed some unwanted live fish a few times. I would get pets, rehome them and then get new pets an obsessive amount of times. I let some unwanted cats go in a neighborhood. I did not want to those cats to be euthanized at the local pound. I thought I was helping them out in a way even though I knew it was discouraged. I did not want the cats to starve or be run over by a car. I hoped the cats would find a new family. The neighborhood was a good one, there was not much traffic, a stream was close by and there were many outdoor cats there already. But still it was animal abandonment/neglect.
Figured the fish would die quickly and noone really knows how much pain fish feel. I hoped the cats would find a new home as I said earlier. I did try to go look for the cats- found one and took it to a shelter. I realized animal abandonment was very wrong and did the better thing- took it to a shelter. I could not find a home for it. The other one I never found after trying to look for it numerous times. I really hope it found a good home.
I did not really realize what I was doing at the time. Surely I was not thinking straight! Thinking back on it now I wonder what I was thinking!! Humans are cruel, irresponsible sometimes. I was. I became something I never thought I would be- an animal abuser. Now I have never beaten, shot, stabbed or lit animals on fire. I have never put pets in the microwave, participated in dog fights or any other awful, similar things. My abuse was passive but still very wrong.
I felt incredible guilt and remorse. Had urges to injure myself. I felt I was just a cruel, worthless scum of a person and all other curse words there are. Thought seriously about suicide- why did I deserve to live? Felt I did not deserve to enjoy the birds singing outside or watch animal planet anymore (one of my favorite channels). Growing up I have always been such a animal lover! From all growing up the animal abuse was so out of chartacter for me.
I wondererd why why aunts cat that hates everyone would cuddle and purr on my lap everytime I would go visit. Or why my parents dogs still loved me. Couldn’t they sense the awful things I have done? Aren’t animals supposed to be good judges of character? Why did they still love me- I did not deserve their love.
Yeah I was a messed up human being. But what were my options? Stay messed up or change! I finally realized I had to forgive myself. I needed to change, big time!! I stopped the bad behavior and started being responsible. I saw a doctor at a free clinic, started taking my meds responsibly, actually held a job, donated to an animal shelter, became a better wife and will be going back to college soon. I decided to start small as far as taking care of life went- I got two goldfish and developed an interest for plants and flowers.
I promised myself to never flush live fish, never abandon/neglect again, never to get pets only to rehome and get a new pet.
I am thinking about trying another pet sometime in the future. It will probably be a pet I have already had in the past. I have had so many I really know which ones I want and which ones I never want to own again. I would just need to really commit to it and ask my husband to help perhaps. Or perhaps I should simply stick to fish and plants- let other people have pets. I could volunteer at an animal shelter if I wanted to be around animals. But I believe I could take care of a pet responsibly and commit to it. It is my decision. Perhaps I can only know if and when I am ready to try a pet again or not. I am curious on opinions though. So what say you? Yes, maybe, no or never to another pet. You can say why you think so- that would be particularly helpful in helping me decide. Thank you very much.
Oh. I am also thinking about my future children. Should every child have the opportunity to have a pet? I would want to teach my children how to take care of pets- the right way. I do not want them to make the same mistakes I did regarding animal abuse!
I do believe people can change and in second chances.
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